Daaaamn Sophia, back at it again with the procrastination blog posts!
Okay I recently went through some of my old photo, and whilst most of them aren’t terrible, I do regret a couple of choices I made. Honestly I thought I’ve look pretty consistent through the years but lord do I look different from when I was 13, so if you want to see some pretty embarrassing photos of me stay tuned.
When I was 13 I was going through a rough patch at school and I getting quite badly bullied/ ostracised, at the same time, a friend introduced me to kpop which i quickly got really into. At the time, there was a large movement to bring kpop to the UK and a ton of flashmobs happened. As I was always really into dance and learning choreographies, I attended a ton of these events and met really amazing people through these events, unfortunately they also resulted in photos like this:
Despite the embarrassment of these photos 5 years later, i don’t regret doing it at all- I met some of my best friends through these events and I expanded my social horizons from what would be completely limited to my secondary school otherwise.
I definitely went through a sketchy phase of wanting to look really ‘tumblr’ or just really like a koreaboo, it wasn’t that I actually wanted to be Korean, I was just really into and inspired by kpop,which meant I dressed like this:
I’d follow tons of asian makeup trends, I wore bb cream all the time, which there’s nothing wrong with, i still do wear bb cream, but the stuff I used wasn’t flattering at all. The colour was often too pale or just looked off on my skin, making my skin, particularly my trouble areas worse than usual.
You might be able to see the texture of my skin, you can’t really see in a lot of my other photos because they were pretty heavily edited lol, I actually used to get tons of hate on ask.fm because my makeup looked so bad hahaha.
I think in the past couple of years I’ve really been trying to explore who I am as a person and trying to develop an individual style as opposed to copy others; though to be honest, I experimented through my hair a lot.
If you’ve seen my acne diary series, you’d know I went through a really rough patch with my skin and I wasn’t sure if it was the hair dye that was aggravating my skin and my roots were growing out too much so I dyed my hair back to black which resulted in this:
It took a pretty long time for my skin to clear up again, and even right now its not 100% clear but it’s improved so much and it honestly has so improved my confidence so much. I genuinely used to skip lessons and refuse to leave my house because my skin was so bad, but now I feel comfortable enough in my own skin to go out without makeup!
I recently cut my hair because the ends were feeling so dry and dead from all the bleaching I did to it last year and I absolutely love it! I feel like when you have long hair you feel safer because you can hide behind it, but having short hair sort of forces you to embrace your face?
I’ve also gotten to understand my features a lot more, for example my eyes are really dark and so lighter brows tend to look really strange on me or lining my eyes with black liquid liner across my lid fully doesn’t flatter my eye shape and makes them look smaller. I learnt that I prefer warmer shades on my eyes, cooler tones don’t work with my warmer complexion. I’ve also really learnt to embrace my lips, I used to do the really intense gradient lips that are really endorsed and loved by the korean cosmetic industry, but I’ve come to realise both the colours and style don’t really suit me or my lips.
I’m also going through a little bit of a health kick at the moment and really enjoying just focusing and learning about my body and improving my confidence as a person. Mostly throughout the years, I’ve just learnt to love myself more as a person even though I’ve been through periods of depression and self-hate. I think it’s just really important to remember to love yourself as you are, and embrace your features as opposed to try and look like something you’re not.
I think what I’m trying to say through this long ass blog post, is that even if you feel like you don’t fit in, or you aren’t satisfied with how you look its okay; because what you feel right now isn’t forever. You’ll grow into your features and into yourself, its okay if you feel lost because you’ll eventually find and discover yourself.
p.s: If you wanna beat your face to perfection, rock it; if you want to slay your natural beauty, do it! Fuck anyone that makes you feel less than beautiful okay.